They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
