Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
