just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
