I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize