I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
