So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
