Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
