I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
