I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
