Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
