New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have aggressive nipples.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
