if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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