This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
