the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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