Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
