Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize