you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
