He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
