My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
