I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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