Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I had to cum in my sink.
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