Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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