A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
