my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
