You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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