mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
