Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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