Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
