Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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