she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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