did you get engaged???
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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