She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
