I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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