sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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