what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
