he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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