I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
