Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
