So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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