I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
