New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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