Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
