So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
