I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
