u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize