get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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