Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
