Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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