Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize