im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
