So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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