nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
