If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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