So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
3pm strippers are depressing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
