Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
