so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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