its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
