I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
