No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
