Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
