You work out of a Hotel?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
