i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
