Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
