I met the friendliest cop last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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