Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
