They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
