there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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