My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
