I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
