im about as happy as oj after his trial
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
